I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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