Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
