Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
