I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
