I think im going to throw up on grandma
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
