Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You've changed since you got that strap on
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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