SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Too much gin, very little bucket
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
