Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
