I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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