If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
