Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
