We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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