direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
