If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just found puke in my bra..
a search helicopter?!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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