If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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