Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize