You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
