I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They are going to name an STD after you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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