She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Drake has all the answers
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
