Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
