I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize