so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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