I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
