wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize