Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
