I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Even my vagina gasped.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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