I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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