Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We are two peas in an std pod
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
