I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
