Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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