white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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