i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
