I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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