well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
