I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Mom said you looked used
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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