Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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