9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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