i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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