That's when you crack a 10am beer
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
