Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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