I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
why is half of my head shaved?
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