he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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