so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
