Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
