He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
