I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
