I bet he comes in French.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
