the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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