beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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