Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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