i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
