I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
