I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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