My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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