if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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