yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
