Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
