Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
