Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Even my vagina gasped.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize