so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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