Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
