And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
