be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
