recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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