ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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