So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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