I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
